I'm tired of trying my hardest, just to find out it's not good enough!! Every fucking day I put 110% of my very being into trying to be the best person I can be..... cuz I know you can't ask it of others without asking it of yourself!! and everyday, I come home feeling like the world took a damn dump on my very dreams and aspirations!! And I have done my best to say: tomorrow is a new day. I even broke up with my girlfriend of 2.8 years because I didn't feel sure of the relationship...... I didn't want to go further with out being able to promise her 100% me...... I tried to do the noble thing!!! I told her, just a break, we'll talk all the time, I just need to sort myself... now I'm getting a big guilt trip about how I'm abandoning her and hurting her.... what would have been different if in 8 years she caught me in bed with her friend or something because I figured out then I wasn't happy!! I want to know, what did I do wrong? I never lead her on, didn't cheat, and in no way ever had anything bad to say about her............. and to make matters worse, I live with my older sis, and her ex, so there's usually a lot of tension in the household... but at least there's convo.... but since BOTH of them have been gone since before x-mas, the apartment is really lonely.... which gives me WAY to much time to think..... and my heart is already asking questions over a girl close to me that I have already deemed "untouchable"...... she's to good of a friend for my stupidity to ruin for me... i can't...... and, I found out the program I am doing my portfolio for, needs 4 grade 12 credits........ I have none..... can you say screwed.........so I am depressed, angry, anxious, happy, and all round confused all at once... with no COFFEE left!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

-Cody